I Think He’s Teething

“I think he’s teething.”

The first time I heard my wife make that statement—she’s said it many, many times since—I was incredulous. Our son was not yet six weeks old.

Although I’m hopeful Finn Gunn will be an incredibly precocious young man—reading at a twelfth-grade level before he enters preschool, for example—I was not looking forward to the prospect of having a teething six-week-old baby. My wife was a little panicked. Okay, maybe more than a little panicked.

He couldn’t be teething so soon, could he? No, we agreed, not possible.

Sleepless and dubious, we turned to the Internet for answers and were horrified—according to some of the resources we found, our boy was definitely teething.

Low-grade fever? Check. Excessive drooling? Also check. Irritability, fussiness, and crying? Check, check, and check. Gads.

As it turns out, all that crying, irritability, interrupted sleep and what-have-you was due to the fact that he’s a baby. The more technical explanation—offered to us by our pediatrician about a week’s worth of Mondays later—is the so-called fourth trimester. According to her, this is a period of development that used to take place in the womb. Yes, apparently a yearlong gestation period was the norm before humans stood on two legs. Fascinating what you learn when you listen to an expert.

We learned that during the fourth trimester, it’s a good idea to do things that emulate the womb. Shushing, pulsing, and knocking sounds have a magical effect. Hair driers, fans, and other such machines are wonderful. Doesn’t necessarily keep him asleep, but those sounds sure do get him there. Movement is also important—this explains why every nursery I’ve ever seen has a rocking chair, and why I’ve heard (dozens of times) from my own parents that I was a sucker for a late-night care ride.

So over the course of the next few months we did a lot of experimenting; learning some of the best ways to soothe him. Sure, I had to deal with two months of waking up in the middle of the night, plopping our beautiful little man into his stroller, and carving ruts in the sidewalks of our neighborhood, but at least I knew what the heck was happening—the fourth trimester. At least it wasn’t the dreaded teething…

Well, now Finn Gunn is a little more than six months old, drooling, crying, and gnawing on everything he touches.

I think he’s teething.

In December 2008, Doug Wyllie became a first-time dad. A veteran of more than ten years in corporate communications and journalism, Doug was writing about streaming video before YouTube, digital music before Napster, and wireless technology since the original Palm Pilot debuted. Doug presently serves as the editor of PoliceOne writing on a broad range of topics and trends that affect public safety professionals. Here, Doug writes about all sorts of poop.